memories made in 2024

january

i'll start mentioning that i got locked out of my place the first day of the year which caused me an incredible amount of stress and anxiety. i went outside with my friend like ten minutes before midnight so we'd see the fireworks together and long story short i didn't bring the keys bc i was supposed to go back in through another entrance i often use but unfortunately it got closed off from the inside. after hours of struggling and performing actions as spies do on movies, my friend managed to open the main door with a card and we got back in. i apologized to her like hundred of times bc she found herself in that stressful situation with me; she wasn't mad or anything, she was super nice and understanding, i just felt so bad and i couldn't sleep at all that night. ANYWAYS. moving on. nothing eventful has happened after that, i simply got back to my work routine and sadly it has been as intense as ever. my tutor assigning me projects that make me experience imposter syndrome everyday bc i don't feel fully capable, having low self-esteem, handling the pressure has been super hard but i tried to find a balance. after a very tough friday i was so stuck in my own thoughts that driving back home after work as i do everyday turned into a dangerous situation and i lost my focus for a second, it caused my car to collide with the corner of the highway and getting scratches here and there but at least it wasn't anything major and most importantly, i was safe. just another awful situation that brought my mood under the ground. bless my brother's kind soul, he said he's noticed i wasn't feeling great and decided to gift me a book saying it's "perfect" for me as i always looked so sad whenever he saw me and that the words from that book will make me feel better. i'm currently reading it and i agree it's healing in many ways and i'm appreciating it deeply. it teaches how we're part of the universe, not at the center of it and how appreciating the beauty in the mundane can kill the poison of the ego and make you appreciate elements of nature as the sunrise and the sunset. everyday we are blessed with this wonderful view no matter how bad a day can be. the world has gifted us the nature's beauty. it is important to not rush in life, as life is a journey where death is inevitable, the more you rush to achieve a goal/"have all figured out" as soon as possible the more you miss the life experience in the process and destroy yourself mentally and physically from all the damages that "running" constantly in life have caused. which can even bring death to you sooner than expected. taking it easy, doing one thing at a time and enjoying the process makes life fulfilling and longer, having good health and all. i'm trying to apply these teachings in my life. talking of books! i asked some friends for recs on what to read bc since the beginning of the year my free time has been occupied mostly by me playing persona 5 royal (i love yusuke so much) and as screens bring pain to my eyes due to me always being in front of them at work as well i wanted a little break from them and reading some new books sounded great so i got the atlas six trilogy as liz suggested me! i can't wait to read them. i'm also going through a super big DGM overfixation considering i literally re-read the entire manga and the 250th chapter dropped the other day. i fully immersed myself into this series and found again that love that i had for it since i was a young teenager and in particular i have severe yuu kanda brainrot right now. i mean i just love the story so much and i got myself three dgm volumes with kanda on the cover, he is so beautiful. i have loved the dgm characters for almost my entire lifetime and they mean so much to me, they're so special. i'm so grateful i could go back to DGM in this phase of my life where i feel like time is costantly passing by super quickly and i can't stop it, i find myself sucked in this continuous happenings of events and can't process them as i wish i could, life is so overwhelming and i have a lot of worries in my head. i need to find a new place to live by october and idek where to start yet. i often feel inadequate for my job but i'm still trying my best bc i need this job to live. anyways, i thank katsura hoshino from the bottom of my heart for creating DGM and characters as kanda, allen, lavi and everyone else. it is an escape to me that feels better than therapy. it is today the 28th of january and that is all i have to say right now. i also got a new pencil and used it immediately to draw kanda. i think i'm getting better at drawing but i'm still too lazy and don't put enough patience to create art, i need to work on that. going on walks outside when there's a nice day does wonders for me by the way and i can't wait till days are longer so when i get out of work is not already so dark. i think i rambled enough. that's how my january went by!

february hey so i have not updated from february onwards sadly hence i think this diary thing is gonna stop and die here